This Is Not My Normal

The past couple of days have been a battle. They have been a far cry from the Jenna who proclaimed victory just two weeks ago. One day I was on this high of life and experiencing how amazing it can be and the next I am crashing down into extreme self-consciousness and irrational fears.

I could sit in the defeat that such a shift naturally causes to arise. That would be the easy choice. And when the days are hard all my mind craves is what is simple and less work to relieve some of the burden. Being transparent I will tell you openly there are some days where I just do not want to do it. There are days where I do not want to be stuck between the battling heart and mind. There are days I want to hide and not face the world. However, those end up being the days where I end up just fighting harder.

There is this part of me that absolutely refuses to settle for anything less than what God has told me is coming no matter the cost. I have to fight the instinct of my brain to retreat which I trained it to do and follow the call of my heart which God taught it to know. I will not accept the bad days as my normal. My normal was the woman living two weeks ago. I will keep fighting until that normal becomes the only life I live.