An Empty Corner

An empty corner.

This picture represents more than an untouched part of my room. This picture is freedom for two hours ago, the space was full. For two months, sitting in this corner was a pile of my last remaining sick clothes waiting to be discarded. The clothes that pleased the disorder. The pieces of fabric wore like medals of honor. The clothes with labels that not only read the size but also my worth.

The truth is I was not clinging to them with the hope that one day they would fit again. I know I cannot go back there. I was not letting them go because for me merely having them in my closet brought comfort and peace and familiarity. I was afraid with those last pieces gone it would be as if the past never existed and the pain was not real, not valid, not still lingering even though it may no longer physically show. How often do we hold onto things not for their benefit but because of a hole we need filled? Because of a past we are not wanting to leave?

But today I woke up, staring straight at that corner with my soul screaming at me it was time to let go. Even though there is a part of me right now aching for them back and needing to fill the void, I know I did the right thing.

Because these remnants of the disorder being shed do not mean the pain never existed. It means they no longer define me, control me, dictate my future. It means I am free to let Authentic Jenna live to the fullest. It means giving her more room to breathe, more room to be, more room to speak.

That empty corner is now hers. That empty corner is now the world. And what she can do with it is limitless. Who she can be has no barriers. Where she will go has no boundaries.

J.L.

Jenna LairdComment