Clear Your Heart and Let It Go
It is hard to accept in life when you need to move on, when you need to let go of people or situations that are bringing you down when you held onto hope they would lift you up. This realization hit me hard yesterday as I realized that the people I thought would be there for me the most and celebrate my successes could not fulfill that role. At first, I was extremely hurt and sad. My heart saw this coming for some time but my mind did not want to believe it. My mind was telling me to keep starving and hurting myself to be seen, to keep holding out that if I got sick enough, I could get their attention. From then on, with them finally seeing me, they would stay with me and celebrate my life with me as I recovered. This wasn’t the case. I wasn’t seen sick and getting healthy has not made me seen either. I have to let go of trying, of forcing myself to be what I am not, of pushing myself, of living my life for others, and finally live for MYSELF. I made the decision yesterday that I am going to live my life the way I want, in the place I want, as the person I authentically am. If people want to be a part of that life and share the beauty of it with me, I welcome them with open arms. But I am not going to try to force it. I am not going to make my life decisions based on what others want and to attract those people. I want to have people in my life who WANT to fully be a part of it through the good and the bad, to share my successes with me, and to help my through the mistakes. I want people who are going to be genuinely happy for where I am going and not focus on where I have been. I am not going to live my life to please anyone but myself. So that means I need to let some people go with the hope that they will come back in some way. I need to move beyond certain situations and close the chapter for good. If they are not lifting me up, it is time to let them go. I only want to be surrounded by people and things who are going to help me fly. I need to let my life be authentic and mine.