Do Not Be A Settler

Quite often in my life, I settled for second best, an okay recovery, being a somewhat likable person to myself, partially loving me, taking hold of a few opportunities, a mostly healthy body. Up until recently, I believed that this was as good as it was going to get. I was willing to accept that I could “live” but still keep tied to some negative things and limitations to what I would allow myself to do. But the truth is, I discovered I just existed. I always went to bed feeling dissatisfied and a bit defeated. I dreamt of what I had the potential to be doing but wasn’t. I feel asleep with regret over the opportunities I passed up and thinking of how truly enjoyable my day could have been had I put no limitations on myself. Granted I was happier than when completely consumed by the anorexia but not to the extent I knew I could be, and that I deserved to be. When I saw people alive and happy and when I think of what it means to me, it doesn’t match up to how I was living. I felt I was three-quarter committing myself to life. I didn’t want to settle for that. I put too much work, dedication, commitment, time, and energy into the process so far to stop there and accept this as my life. There is so much more to be experienced. There is more of me to uncover and show to the world. There is more live to be lived. There is more for you too.

J.L.

Jenna LairdComment