Drop the Excuses
It is easy to get caught up in excuses, to validate why we are not pursuing dreams or going after what we say we want. In recovery, I thought up every excuse in the book to delay the inevitable. With the OCD tagging along, it made it even more complicated. I couldn’t add to my intake until there was an even amount of food left. If I didn’t eat by this time, I couldn’t make a change that day. When it came to going after the things I said I “wanted”, I was always coming up with a new reason to not do it to stay in my comfort zone. When deep in the disorder, I was always giving it excuses to keep it around. “I need it. I don’t know who I am without it. It helps me cope. It is my escape.” Yes, it was all those things but by defending it like I was, I was giving it every reason to stay, to not let it go, validating its presence in my life. I had to ask myself, “Do I REALLY want to recover?” If so, if I wanted to FULLY recover, I had to drop the excuses. I had to be honest with myself with how I was doing in my journey. If I was not being truthful with how I was doing, I had to stop the lies. I had to stop defending the disordered thoughts and making them continue to survive. I had to be stronger than my excuses. I had two options; make progress or make excuses. The last option failed me miserably so I had to give the first a try. Holding myself accountable to my actions and exposing the disorder is what lead to me changing. Excuses will always be there for you. Opportunity will not.