Learning to Live As A New Me

A few months ago I hit a writer's block. The drive fizzled and the words to say seemed to disappear. I would go to type something but my heart could not connect to it. Thoughts were not flowing as they once did. My spirit was not getting excited at the idea of putting my words out into the world. I gave it a pause, taking a break to step back and evaluate. I came to discover I could not write like I once was because I was still trying to write as the Jenna who began this site in 2014. I was composing my thoughts for you as the girl still trying to find her voice in the world, still unsure and insecure and in disbelief that she could be used in a way beyond her wildest imagination. I was writing trying to step back in time to be the still hurting girl who was trying to save everyone while she was struggling to stay afloat because that was what I felt people expected. Those words were what people were used to. The way I spoke and conveyed my thoughts became the normal people were accustomed to. But that girl was not me anymore. I was no longer a timid, quiet, drowning, hurting, merely existing girl. I was alive now and I was free now and I was in love now with this life and the person in it. I was not meant to write as I once did a couple years ago because I had moved away from that place. I had moved from that pain into a purpose. I had moved from the fear into faith. I had moved from the sorrow into rejoicing. I had experienced death and loss and trials which produced an abundant growth that completely transformed my heart and called me further into my destiny. It was time to write as that woman who was out of the fire now and never returning to call it home again. It was time to write as that woman who had been saturated in the love and the grace of God who brought her to this day of knowing peace and claiming victory. It was time for the world to meet the Jenna of now and for her to put her mark on this world. She was free now and it was time for her to fly.

J.L.

Jenna LairdComment