Living What You Called Impossible

I woke up one day last month in a panic. Anxiety flooding my body. Thoughts racing in my mind. What was I doing? Who was I? Where was I going? I never planned to open my eyes at this age. I never envisioned being alive at this time. I wrote myself off four years ago. I made an agreement with the disorder that for peace and relief it could take my life. I stopped dreaming of what my tomorrows would hold, stopped envisioning a future not attached to anorexia. It was going to kill me so why would I invest energy in planning a life that I would never know?

But yet there I was with no idea how in the world to be alive.

How do you live a life you never imagined seeing? One way; you write it. That morning I got out a pen and paper and made a list of all I wanted to do, of who I wanted to be, of the dreams I wanted to fulfill. I turned my fear into excitement of all that awaits me. I turned my dread into expectation of all that has the potential to happen. Because if nothing was planned then anything can be.

Page after page I scribbled down my countless days to come.

I have been granted the privilege to write into existence a life once deemed impossible and I fully intend to use it for good. My future is mine to create. Limitless and abundant in possibilities. Unhindered and free. Packed to the brim with BIG and crazy ideas. Overflowing with wild dreams that would scare the average person.

That panicked young woman living a month ago has come and gone. Her eyes now open to eagerness to live out the words she wrote in her yesterdays. She still is not sure of where exactly she is going but she knows the pit stops she will make along the way. She knows the journey is going to be beautiful.

J.L.

Jenna LairdComment