Tear Down That Wall

I built a wall.

I was not planning on it. I have never been a particularly good builder to be honest. I was the child whose blocks always fell down, whose fort crumbled to the ground, whose igloo always collapsed in on itself. I had no intention to add being a mason to my resume.

But I did....

Brick by brick I began to build. Bricks of words spoken to me. Of doubts. Of memories. Of fears. Of failures. Of pain. One after another I kept compiling them and stacking them. Longer and higher the wall became. It was only when I woke up one day to a soul aching to explore that I noticed what I had constructed. Only then did I see what my mind was busy at work creating while my heart was off dreaming all these years.

I was confined.

A future once so visible I could no longer see. A life I once dreamed completely out of reach. Every desire and hope and ambition hidden from my sight. I was forever stuck in the present with the past surrounding me. A present only designed to be a rest stop. A present with no end in sight, no sign of change, no way to move forward. I trapped myself. In time. In space. In body. In mind.

And it slowly broke my heart.

See the worst part was I knew what was on the other side. I memorized that scenery. I was captivated by its colors. I was drawn to its light. I envisioned my feet walking on that untouched ground. My heart knew it was to be its home and it could not wait to claim it. It counted down the days until it lived on a land of peace and love and victory. Its pain over the loss of what may never be was suffocating. Overwhelming. Paralyzing. Defeating.

I cannot let that heart stay crippled.

I must tear down that wall. I must create an opening of escape. I must go see the land I fought to obtain. There is nothing left on this side of the wall for me to see, for me to know, for me to explore. There is no ground left that has not known my footprints. I have done my time here and now it is time to cross over. To breathe in new air. To hear a new voice. To live a lifelong dream. To be whole.

It is time to be free...

J.L.

Jenna LairdComment