Time To Surrender
Somewhere along my journey of life I came to believe acceptance would only come in the form of perfection. Victory would only come in strength. Peace would only come from having everything all together. Happiness would only come from never shedding a tear.
It took me 25 years to realize that thinking was false. I have come to learn it is in my complete vulnerability and transparency and imperfection I will find freedom. It is my tears, my losses, my moments of weakness, my pain, and my brokenness that hold the truth. Because I am learning they remind me I cannot do this on my own. They show me that I am human and I need something greater than I to lean on in this life.
I have spent 17 years in a fighting stance. I never considered perhaps complete freedom would come in the form of my arms outstretched in an act of surrender; giving it over fully to God. Letting Him hold it and use it and work it only in a way He can. I made myself believe He wanted me to fight my way out of it but maybe all along God just wanted me to let Him have it, to trust Him with it, to let Him pour His love out on me through healing it.
Perhaps I was too stubborn, too prideful to give it completely to Him for I did not want to admit I could not do it by myself. I wanted to appear strong. I kept holding on to pieces of the battle for myself, for my own comfort, for my own peace of mind. I was clinging to strands afraid to fully give it up but screaming over still being trapped.
I have come to fully accept it is time I let Him take it from me, knowing with all my heart He is going to hand me something in return that will fill the void beyond what I could ever imagine. I have come to fully accept surrendering is the greatest act of bravery I could ever perform in this life and now is the moment to be courageous. I have come to fully accept it is time to stop running and fighting and let Him take over.
Today, I surrender...